This site is being preserved as it was on 17 September 2001 as a memorial to the life and work of Eberhard Wenzel.
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The random list
Last updated:  13 May 2001

  • A penny saved is ridiculous. 
  • The only thing that hurts more than paying income tax is not having to pay income tax. 
  • Intuition (n): an uncanny sixth sense which tells people that they are right, whether they are or not. 
  • Dictatorship (n): a form of government under which everything which is not prohibited is compulsory. 
  • Concerto (n): a fight between a piano and a pianist. 
  • Communist (n): one who has given up all hope of becoming a Capitalist. 
  • Book (n): a utensil used to pass time while waiting for the TV repairman. 
  • Bagpipes (n): an octopus wearing a kilt. 
  • Advertising (n): the science of arresting the human intelligence for long enough to get money from it.

  • Stephen Leacock. 

What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?
Bertolt Brecht (1898-1956) 

War is like love; it always finds a way.
Bertolt Brecht (1898-1956) 

Today every invention is received with a cry of triumph which soon turns into a cry of fear.
Bertolt Brecht (1898-1956) 

What is the crime of robbing a bank compared with the crime of founding one.
Bertolt Brecht (1898-1956) 

He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.
Bertolt Brecht (1898-1956) 

Poverty makes you sad as well as wise.
Bertolt Brecht (1898-1956) 

The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth.
Chinese proverb 

Love your neighbors, but don't pull down the fence.
Chinese proverb. 

A human being should be able to heal a wound, plan an expedition, order from a French menu, climb a mountain face, enjoy a ballet, balance accounts, roll a kayak, embolden a friend, tell a joke, laugh at himself, cooperate, act alone, sing a children's song, solve equations, throw a dog a stick, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, love heartily, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
Lew Hitchner 

For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.
H. L. Mencken 

Perhaps in time the so-called Dark Ages will be thought of as including our own. 
G.C. Lichtenberg 

I get my exercise running to the funerals of my friends who exercise.
Barry Gray 

I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in his courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behind.
George Bernard Shaw 

Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint.
Mark Twain 

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
Mark Twain 

It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either. 
Mark Twain 

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. 
Mark Twain 

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Wernher von Braun 

I believe I have found the link between animals and civilized man. It is us. 
Konrad Lorenz 

When all actions are mathematically calculated, they also take on a stupid quality. 
Theodor W. Adorno 

Life without risk would be like chilli without heat - edible but bland.
Gary Egger, Ross Spark & Jim Lawson 

The risk climate of modernity is thus unsettling for everyone: no one escapes. 
Anthony Giddens 

Life is short, science is long; opportunity is elusive, experiment is dangerous, judgement is difficult. 

A wise man thinks it more advantageous not to join the battle than to win.
La Rochefoucauld 

There is more to life than increasing it's speed.
Mahathma Ghandi 

In fact, safety has no place anywhere. Everything that's fun in life is dangerous. Horse races, for instance, are very dangerous. But attempt to design a safe horse and the result is a cow (an appalling animal to watch at the trotters.) And everything that isn't fun is dangerous too. It is impossible to be alive and safe. 
P.J. O'Rourke 

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.
Oscar Wilde 

Life has become the ideology of its own absence.
Theodor W. Adorno 

Life has changed into a timeless succession of shocks, interspaced with empty, paralysed intervals.
Theodor W. Adorno 

All you have to do is relax and feel your history, because it will never go away and there is no future without it.
Raymond Douglas Davies 

If you're patient and you wait long enough, something will usually happen and it'll usually be something you don't like.
Kinky Friedman 

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1958 

Fishing ... is a sport invented by insects and you are the bait. 
P.J. O'Rourke 

The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then gets elected and proves it.
P.J. O'Rourke 

On Friday, June 12, 1992, 110 heads of state gathered at Riocentro. They were indistinguishable in dress and deportment. Where was biodiversity when we needed it? 
P.J. O'Rourke 

It's not the 'nice' guy who brings about real social change. 'Nice' guys look nice because they're conforming. It's the 'bad' guys, who only look nice a hundred years later, that are the real Dynamic force in social evolution.
Robert M. Pirsig 

A man who says that men are machines may be a great scientist. A man who says he is a machine is 'depersonalized' in psychiatric jargon.
Ronald D. Laing 

Because we have put ourselves in our own zoo, we find it difficult to break out.
Edward T. Hall 

As far as Germany extends, it ruins culture.
Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche 

Self-worth and financial worth become indistinguishable.
Peter Russell 

I spent most of my time thinking, because I didn't have enough energy to do anything else.
Banana Yoshimoto 

Liberals like people with their heads, radicals like people with both their heads and their hearts.
Saul D. Alinsky 

The only nonpartisan people are those who are dead.
Saul D. Alinsky 

Our world has always had two kinds of changers, the social changers and the money changers.
Saul D. Alinsky 

Neither love nor terror makes one blind: indifference makes one blind. 
James Baldwin 

If all you want to do is make money, the very last thing you need is imagination. 
James Baldwin 

Creative thought must always contain a random component.
Gregory Bateson 

Information consists of differences that make a difference.
Gregory Bateson 

Science probes; it does not prove.
Gregory Bateson 

Those who lack all idea that it is possible to be wrong can learn nothing except know-how.
Gregory Bateson 

In the nature of the case, an explorer can never know what he is exploring until it has been explored.
Gregory Bateson 

If the expenditure of money for entertainment in America is any indication of taste, clearly the majority of us are addicted to trash. 
Marlon Brando 

When time grows short, self-serving wins out over others-serving.
Lee Burns 

I don't believe in heroism; I know it's easy and I've learned it can be murderous. What interests me is living and dying for what one loves. 
Albert Camus 

Pity is easy, but it is difficult to care.
Raymond Douglas Davies 

Institutions have the pathetic megalomania of the computer whose whole vision of the world is its own program.
Mary Douglas 

Social evolution may be the result of intention, but it rarely, if ever, produces the result intended.
Rene Dubos 

In man, at least, satisfaction is commonly followed by boredom.
Rene Dubos 

One may wonder indeed whether the pretense of superior health is not itself rapidly becoming a mental aberration.
Rene Dubos 

You are always born under the wrong sign, and to live in this world properly you have to rewrite your own horoscope day by day.
Umberto Eco 

Fools are in great demand, especially on social occasions. They embarrass everyone but provide material for conversation. In their positive form, they become diplomats.
Umberto Eco 

Our agenda, by necessity, is as complex and encompassing as the problems we face: beware of politicians promising simple solutions.
Amitai Etzioni 

The same men who are blind and deaf to feminism are acutely sensitive to what threatens their dominance and privilege.
Marilyn French 

The view of life as a struggle for power generates a language in which life has no significance and only power matters.
Marilyn French 

In six days the Lord created the heavens and the earth and all the wonders therein. There are some of us who feel that He might have taken just a little more time.
Kinky Friedman 

They say that death is just nature's way of telling you to slow down a little bit.
Kinky Friedman 

Golf is the only opportunity that middle-aged WASPs have to dress up like a pimp. 
Kinky Friedman 

Now I have a cat. Well, that's not quite accurate. A cat and I have each other. 
Kinky Friedman 

People know elections, like television commercials, are not real.
William Greider 

If everyone has to be a watchdog in order to make government work, then the foxes will also volunteer to serve.
William Greider 

The problem of modern democracy is rooted in its neglect of unorganized people.
William Greider 

It is better to be full of drink than full of food.

In life, man proposes, God disposes.
Aldous Huxley 

If you are free, you are not predictable and you are not controllable.
June Jordan 

Sometimes we become so sophisticated we have to read the New York Times in order to figure out whether it's a hot or a rainy day.
June Jordan 

War is always a professional enterprise; despair is left to amateurs.
Hans Koning 

What we think is less than what we know; what we know is less than what we love; what we love is so much less than what there is. And to that precise extent we are so much less than what we are.
Ronald D. Laing 

Wilderness is a resource which can shrink but not grow.
Aldo Leopold 

The modern dogma is comfort at any cost.
Aldo Leopold 

To build a road is so much simpler than to think of what the country really needs.
Aldo Leopold 

Good health has become a new ritual of patriotism, a market place for the public display of secular faith in the power of will.
Roger Levin 

What our laws show is the extent and degree to which conflict has to be suppressed.
Alasdair MacIntyre 

Truth has been displaced as a value and replaced by psychological effectiveness.
Alasdair MacIntyre 

Modern politics is civil war carried on by other means.
Alasdair MacIntyre 

I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing.
Groucho Marx 

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
Groucho Marx 

TV is the rat race of the century.
Groucho Marx 

The earth is a museum of divine intent.
Bill McKibben 

We have assumed control where once we worked with what we were given.
Bill McKibben 

Our weird problem is an abundance of resources and a shortage of hard economic reasons not to use them.
Bill McKibben 

Originality is the one thing which unoriginal minds cannot feel the use of.
John Stuart Mill 

Through men ... you learn how the world is. Through women you learn what it is.
Cees Nooteboom 

Man is a sad mammal that combs its hair.
Cees Nooteboom 

All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others.
George Orwell 

Time makes more converts than reason.
Thomas Paine 

Individuals would never have a chance acting alone; only organized people could balance organized money.
Mary Beth Rogers 

Of course, everyone wants to be healthy. The amusing thing is no one's really sure how to do it.
Jerry Seinfeld 

The rich are very charitable: they understand that they have to pay ransom for their riches.
Bernard Shaw 

Individuals control their behavior in order to control the behavior of others.
Paul Sites 

And keep in mind: statistically you can prove that most Miami residents are born Cuban and die Jewish!
Robert L. Taylor 

It makes me angry when people insist that I have a responsibility to do what they think I should do.
Pete Townshend 

Rational answers seldom do explain.
Patrick White 

While there are men, there will always be lies.
Patrick White 

To kiss and to kill are similar words to eyes that focus with difficulty.
Patrick White 

Nothing is so dangerous as being too modern. One is apt to grow old-fashioned quite suddenly.
Oscar Wilde 

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.
Oscar Wilde 

Questions are never indiscreet. Answers sometimes are.
Oscar Wilde 

The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.
Oscar Wilde 

Men become old, but they never become good.
Oscar Wilde 

To be popular one must be a mediocrity.
Oscar Wilde 

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable.
Oscar Wilde 

Like all people who try to exhaust a subject, he exhausted his listeners.
Oscar Wilde 

Philosophical problems arise when language goes on holiday.
Ludwig Wittgenstein 

Screw us once, shame on them; screw us twice, shame on us.
Jessica Zafra 

The side without power is always the side that is accused of being irrational.
Xianliang Zhang 

Only pessimists have a tolerant attitude.
Xianliang Zhang 

Never ask the gods for life set free from grief, but ask for courage that endureth long.
Menander (B.C. 342-291) 

Liberty is given by nature even to mute animals.
Tacitus (55-117 A.D.) 

Love is a canvas furnished by Nature and embroidered by imagination. 
Voltaire (1694-1778) 

Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out.
James B. Conant (1893-1978) 

Nothing is more useful than silence.
Menander (B.C. 342-291) 

The world is full of suffering. Birth is suffering, decre- pitude is suffering, sickness and death are sufferings. To face a man of hatred is suffering, to be separated from a beloved one is suffering, to be vainly struggling to satisfy one's needs is suffering. In fact, life that is not free from desire and passion is always involved with suffering.
Buddha (B.C. 568-488) 

Show me a thoroughly satisfied man - and I will show you a failure.
Thomas A. Edison (1847-1931) 

Let no man fear to die, we love to sleep all, And death is but the sounder sleep. 
Francis Beaumont (1584-1616) 

When a broken tank is filled with water, It certainly will leak on every side. Weak men who grow rich Seldom leave an inheritance.
Saskya Pandita (1182-1251) 

Art is the stored honey of the human soul, gathered on wings of misery and travail. 
Theodore Dreiser (1871-1945) 

I dreamed a thousand new paths ... I woke and walked my old one. 
Chinese Proverb 

Let your life lightly dance on the edges of time like dew on the tip of a leaf. 
Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941) 

Doubt, of whatever kind, can be ended by Action alone.
Carlyle (1795-1881) 

Not every end is a goal. The end of a melody is not its goal; however, if the melody has not reached its end, it would also not have reached its goal.
Nietzsche (1844-1900) 

A great obstacle to happiness is to expect too much happiness.
Fontenelle (1657-1757) 

To fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting.
Sun Tzu (fl. c. B.C. 500) 

The integrity of men is to be measured by their conduct, not by their professions.
Junius (1740-1818) 

The shepherd drives the wolf from the sheep's throat, for which the sheep thanks the shepherd as his liberator, while the wolf denounces him for the same act as the destroyer of liberty. 
Lincoln (1809-1865) 

The more extensive a man's knowledge of what has been done, the greater will be his power of knowing what to do.
Disraeli (1804-1881) 

We do not know what to do with this short life, yet we want another which will be eternal. 
Anatole France (1844-1924) 

The future comes one day at a time.
Dean Acheson (1893-1971) 

Tomorrow is a satire on today, And shows its weakness. 
Young (1683-1765) 

Words are often seen hunting for an idea, but ideas are never seen hunting for words.
Josh Billings (1815-1885) 

Every wave is new until it breaks.
Neil Young 

Every exit is an entry to somewhere else.
Tom Stoppard 

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.
Mahatma Gandhi 

Some people think that because they do the opposite of what they are asked to do, they have initiative

I'm not denying that women are foolish. God almighty made them to match men.
George Eliot (Mary Ann Evans) 

The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations but your body has all the fun.
Woody Allen 

If you don't make mistakes, you don't make anything
Joseph Conrad 

Life is like a sewer - what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
Tom Lehrer 

In a connected world, you've gotta know the links.

And the seasons they go round and round, 
And the painted ponies go up and down,
We're captive on the carousel of time,
We can't return, we can only look behind,
From where we came and go round and round and round
In the circle game.
Joni Mitchell 

'Tis writ on Paradise's gate Woe to the dupe that yields to Fate!
Hafiz (1325?-1390?) 

The paradox of courage is that a man must be a little careless of his life in order to keep it. 
G. K. Chesterton (1874-1936) 

Health promotion is a political enterprise rooted in human preferences and prejudices - and these add greatly to its capacity to mislead.
David Seedhouse 

Instead of exposures to toxic materials and mechanical dangers, we are discovering the toxicity of social circumstances and patterns of social organization.
Richard G. Wilkinson 

Whoever undertakes to set himself up as judge in the field of truth and knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the Gods.
Albert Einstein 

I have no special gift. I am only passionately curious.
Albert Einstein 

A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labors of others.
Albert Einstein 

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
Albert Einstein 

No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it.
Albert Einstein 

If there is any truth to reincarnation, this must be my first trip through, 'cause I don't recognize anything.
Hoyt Axton 

Thus we never live, but we hope to live; and always disposing ourselves to be happy, it is inevitable that we never become so.
Blaise Pascal 

There were but two families in the world, Have-much and Have-little.
Miguel de Cervantes 1547-1616 

Many go out for wool, and come home shorn themselves.
Miguel de Cervantes 1547-1616 

I know everything except myself.
Francois Villon 

There are only two important things in politics. The first is money and I can't remember the second.
Mark Hanna 

A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. 
Mark Twain 1835-1910 

The past cannot be changed, the future is still in your power.
Hugh White 1773-1840 

We must all obey the great law of change. It is the most powerful law of nature.
Burke 1729-1797 

There are scores of thousands of sects who are ready at a moment's notice to reveal the will of God on every possible subject
G.B. Shaw 1856-1950 

Every work of art is an uncommitted crime.
Theodor W. Adorno 

The task of art today is to bring chaos into order.
Theodor W. Adorno 

Apocalypse has become banal, a set of statistical risk parameters to everyone's existence.
Anthony Giddens 

The abolition of the class struggle does not mean the abolition of the need to struggle as a principle of development.
Antonio Gramsci 

Democracy is held captive, not just by money, but by ideas - the ideas that money buys.
William Greider 

Agitation and commitment are dangerous for the peace of humanity, and the only thing which is even more dangerous is their absence.
Hans Koning 

The 'data' (given) of research are not so much given as taken out of a constantly elusive matrix of happenings. We should speak of capta rather than data. 
Ronald D. Laing 

Education, I fear, is learning to see one thing by going blind to another.
Aldo Leopold 

I hate churches, all of them. But they used to know something about the importance of silence.
Ferdinand Mount 

Individuals control their behavior in order to control the behavior of others.
Paul Sites 

Everything has changed and nothing is changed.
Susan Sontag 

Few ever see what is not already inside their heads.
Susan Sontag 

Sight is a promiscuous sense. The avid gaze always wants more.
Susan Sontag 

One must be serious about something, if one wants to have any amusement in life.
Oscar Wilde 

I am too fond of reading books to care to write them.
Oscar Wilde 

Children begin by loving their parents: as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.
Oscar Wilde 

The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
Mark Twain (1835-1910) 

Music is well said to be the speech of angels.
Carlyle (1795-1881) 

Method is more important than strength, when you wish to control your enemies. By dropping golden beads near a snake, a crow once managed To have a passerby kill the snake for the beads. 
Nagarjuna (c. 100-200 A.D.) 

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
Mark Twain 

There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it. 
Josh Billings 

I don't want to be a genius, I have enough problems just trying to be a man.
Albert Camus 

God created man in His own image, says the Bible; philosophers reverse the process: they create God in theirs.
G. C. Lichtenberg 

A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top.
James Reston 

If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long. 
Glenn, age 7 

Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me. 
Dave, age 8 

Don't forget your wife's name ... that will mess up the love. 
Erin, age 8 

In life, as in art, the beautiful moves in curves.
Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873) 

Virtue is a kind of health, beauty and good habit of the soul.
Plato (B.C. 427?-347?) 

A religion that requires persecution to sustain it is of the devil's propagation.
Hosea Ballou (1771-1852) 

Experience is not what happens to a man. It is what a man does with what happens to him.
Aldous Huxley (1894-1963) 

Be slow of tongue and quick of eye.
Cervantes (1547-1616) 

The important thing is, not to stop questioning.
Albert Einstein 

I got a simple rule about everybody. If you don't treat me right - shame on you.
Louis Armstrong 

Look around you! This is where the path of hatred has brought us.

The best things in life aren't things.
Art Buchwald 

To the query, 'What is a friend?' his reply was 'A single soul dwelling in two bodies.'

Be yourself - who else is better qualified?
Frank J. Giblin II 

You don't get harmony when everybody sings the same note.
Doug Floyd 

Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand.
Emily Kimbrough 

Never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up.
The Reverend Jesse Jackson 

It takes a long time to become young.
Pablo Picasso 

'Stay' is a charming word in a friend's vocabulary.
Louisa May Alcott 

Age is of no importance unless you are a cheese.
Billie Burke 

Murphy's Law:
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. 

Murphy's Law:
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw. 

Murphy's Law:
Enough research will tend to support your theory. 

Murphy's Law:
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. 

Murphy's Law:
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. 

Murphy's Law:
A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost. 

Murphy's Law:
The first myth of management is that it exists. 

Murphy's Law:
Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking. 

Alan's Law of Research:
The theory is supported as long as the funds are. 

Ashley-Perry Statistical Axioms:
The product of an arithmetical computation is the answer to an equation; it is not the solution to a problem. 

Bok's Law:
If you think education is expensive - try ignorance. 

Grossman's Misquote:
Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers. 

Krueger's Observation:
A taxpayer is someone who does not have to take a civil service exam in order to work for the government. 

Levy's Law:
Only God can make a random selection. 

Morton's Law:
If rats are experimented upon, they will develop cancer. (What this country needs are some stronger white rats.) 

Oppenheimer's Observation:
The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it. 

Law of Raspberry Jam:
The wider any culture is spread, the thinner it gets. 

Schultze's Law:
If you can't measure output, then you measure input. 

Thoreau's Law:
If you see a man approaching with the obvious intent of doing you good, run for your life. 

Consider pleasures as they depart, not as they come.
Aristotle (B.C. 384-322) 

We trained hard - but every time we were beginning to form into teams we would be restructured. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any situation by restructuring ... and a wonderful method it can be for creating an illusion of progress, while producing confusion, inefficiency and demoralisation.
Petronius Obit/Petronius Arbiter 100BC or AD 66 

Human health is connected to the environment much like a rainbow that connects sky and earth.
Lorelei Anne Lambert Colomeda 

The poor man must walk to get meat for his stomach, the rich man to get a stomach to his meat.
Franklin (1706-1790) 

The thinker makes a great mistake when he asks after cause and effect. They both together make up the indivisible phenomena.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 

Everything is simpler than you think and at the same time more complex than you imagine.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 

I can promise to be sincere, but not to be impartial.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 

There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.
Mark Twain, 1871 

Work is a four-letter word, fun isn't.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in lab rats.

Matrimony - the high sea for which no compass has yet been invented.
Heinrich Heine (1797-1856) 

Here the melting pot stands open - if you're willing to get bleached first.
Buffy Sainte-Marie 

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. Pooh! he whispered. Yes, Piglet? Nothing, said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. I just wanted to be sure of you.
Winnie The Pooh 

You can't help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn't spell it right; but spelling isn't everything. There are days when spelling Tuesday simply doesn't count.
Winnie The Pooh 

He's a Fool that makes his Doctor his Heir.
Franklin (1706-1790) 

The great are great only because we are on our knees. Let us rise!
Max Stirner 

When I feed the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.
Dom Helder Camara, Archbishop of Recife 

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.
Mark Twain 

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.
Mark Twain 

All of us contain Music & Truth, but most of us can't get it out.
Mark Twain 

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare.
Mark Twain 

A half-educated physician is not valuable. He thinks he can cure everything.
Mark Twain 

The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little.
Mark Twain 

I can live for two months on a good compliment.
Mark Twain 

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries of life disappear and life stands explained.
Mark Twain 

I am no lazier now than I was forty years ago, but that is because I reached the limit forty years ago. You can't go beyond possibility.
Mark Twain 

What, Sir, would the people of the earth be without women? They would be scarce, Sir, almighty scarce.
Mark Twain 

Words ought to be a little wild, for they are the assault of thoughts upon the unthinking.
J.M. Keynes 

I disapprove of what you say, but will defend to the death your right to say it.

Only after the last tree has been cut down
Only after the last river has been poisened
Only after the last fish has been caught
Then will you find that money cannot be eaten
Cree Prophecy 

Sometimes the best gain is to lose.
Herbert (1593-1632) 

Beauty is power. A smile is its sword.
Charles Reade (1814-1884) 

If looks could kill I need a license for my face.
Del Amitri 

The desire of a man for a woman is not directed at her because she is a human being, but because she is a woman. That she is a human being is of no concern to him.
Immanuel Kant 

The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is: that one often comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't. 
Beecher (1813-1878) 

Judge a tree from its fruit; not from the leaves.
Euripides (B.C. 480-406) 

If you come here to help me, then you are wasting your time. But if you come here because your liberation is bound up in mine, then let us begin.
Lilla Watson, Indigenous Australian educator and activist 

Only when lions have historians will hunters cease being heroes.
African Proverb 

As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters. 
Seneca (B.C. 3-65 A.D.) 

If you create an act, you create a habit. If you create a habit, you create a character. If you create a character, you create a destiny. 
Andre Maurois (1885-1967) 

There's not much need for prophets who are in synch with their society.
Theodor W. Adorno 

The higher we rise, the more isolated we become. All elevations are cold.
Boufflers (1738-1815) 

The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
G.K. Chesterton 

If we do not discipline ourselves, the world will do it for us.
William Feather (born 1888) 

Love in its essence is spiritual fire.
Swedenborg (1688-1772) 

True knowledge is a virtue of the talented, but harmful to those without discernment. Spring water free of impurity, entering the ocean, becomes undrinkable.
Nagarjuna (c. 100-200 A.D.) 

This body is not a home, but an inn; and that only for a short time.
Seneca (B.C. 3-65 A.D.) 

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
Robert Frost 

It's faith in something and enthusiasm for something that makes life worth living.
Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894) 

At the outset, the man does not comprehend the nature of prevailing forces nor does he perceive them as a connected whole. This superficial view is acceptable for the masses, but the superior man should know better.
I Ching (B.C. 1150?) 

Laws are generally not understood by three sorts of persons: those that make them, those that execute them, and those that suffer if they break them.
Halifax (1633-1695) 

As shadows attend substances, so words follow upon things.
Trench (1807-1886) 

The talent of success is nothing more than doing what you can do well, and doing well whatever you do without thought of fame. If it comes at all it will come because it is deserved, not because it is sought after. 
Longfellow (1807-1882) 

One should count each day a separate life.
Seneca (B.C. 3-65 A.D.) 

It is a man's own mind - not his enemy or his foe that lures him into evil ways.
Buddha (B.C. 568-488) 

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.
Oscar Wilde 

Anytime you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults encountered is proportional to the number of viewers.
Albreact's Law 

Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.
Barber's Laws of Backpacking 

At some time in the life cycle of virtually every organization, its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out.
Brown's Law of Business Success 

Every man's life is a fairy tale, written by God's fingers.
Hans Christian Anderson (1802-1875) 

Things forbidden have a secret charm.
Tacitus (55-117 A.D.) 

If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.
Anatole France (1844-1924) 

There are a significant number of learned men and women who hold that any successful effort to make ideas lively, intelligible and interesting is a manifestation of deficient scholarship. This is the fortress behind which the minimally coherent regularly find refuge.
John K. Galbraith (1987) 

There is no little enemy.
Franklin (1706-1790) 

The secret of success is constancy of purpose.
Disraeli (1804-1881) 

All strangers and beggars are from God, and a gift, though small, is precious.
Homer (c. BC 700) 

Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. 
Lincoln (1809-1865) 

Life is what happens to you, while you're busy making other plans.
John Lennon (1940-1980) 

The stars are matter, we're matter, but it doesn't matter.
Don Van Vliet (Captain Beefheart) 

Earth ... God's golf ball.
Don Van Vliet (Captain Beefheart) 

It's not worth getting into the bullshit to see what the bull ate.
Don Van Vliet (Captain Beefheart) on drugs 

I think that men has the most highly developed intelligence. I think men get so intelligent that they're stupid.
Don Van Vliet (Captain Beefheart) 

The largest flying land mammal is the absent mind.
Don Van Vliet (Captain Beefheart) 

If a nation values anything more than freedom, it will lose its freedom: and the irony of it is that if it is comfort or money that it values more, it will lose that, too.
Somerset Maugham (1874-1965) font>

Life (and music) is about doing it, because you 'feel' it is a good idea and then maybe, if there's nothing better to do, understanding it.
DK (1952- ) 

The one who rides the donkey does not know the ground is hot.
Ghanaian proverb 

It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
Alfred Adler (1870-1937) 

California is a nice place to live if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen 

When you blame others, you give up your power to change.
Dr Robert Anthony 

Why be a man when you can be a success?
Bertolt Brecht (1898-1956) 

Your theory is crazy, but it's not crazy enough to be true.
Bertolt Brecht (1898-1956) 

I dont want 'yes-men' around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs.
Samuel Goldwyn 

Unhappy the land that is in need of heroes.t>
Bertolt Brecht (1898-1956) 

To the living we owe respect, but to the dead we owe only the truth.
Voltaire (1694-1778) 

We apologize for the inconvenience.
God's final message to His creation 

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Groucho Marx (1890-1977) 

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.
George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) 

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.
Tallulah Bankhead (1902-1968) 

All progress has resulted from people who took unpopular positions.
Adlai E. Stevenson (1900-1965) 

A taste for truth at any cost is a passion which spares nothing.
Albert Camus 

The patient is the one with the disease.
The House of God 

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
Kids' ideas of the Bible 

The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still, and he obeyed him.
Kids' ideas of the Bible 

Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
Kids' ideas of the Bible 

The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
Henry Cate VII 

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.
Mel Brooks 

We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.
Will Rogers 

Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it.
Max Frisch 

If God lived on earth, people would break his windows.
Jewish proverb 

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
Anthony Burgess 

I sometimes think that God, in creating man, overestimated His ability.
Oscar Wilde 

We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward.
Vice President Dan Quayle 

50% of all people are below average.

Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.
Aldous Huxley 

Women an cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
Robert A. Henlein 

The frog in the deep well cannot see the great ocean.
Chinese proverb 

The velocity with which time flies is infinite as is most apparent to those who look back.
Seneca (B.C. 3-65 A.C.) 

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
Ann Landers 

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Mark Twain 

The winds and the waves are always on the side of the ablest navigators.
Gibbon (1737-1794) 

They can because they think they can.
Vergil (B.C. 70-19) 

Beware, for the most sacred cow may become the tiger's breakfast.
Mohan Singh 

Remember always to be grateful for the millions of people everywhere whose despicable habits make health education necessary.
Mohan Singh 

He who lives by bread alone needs sex education.
Mohan Singh 

Consider the wombat and be grateful.
Mohan Singh 

Be careful how you pronounce health promotion, lest the listener believe self-promotion to be your objective.
Mohan Singh 

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was an Acronym.
Mohan Singh 

Lemmings may know something.
Mohan Singh 

The evaluator counts the ants at the picnic of progress.
Mohan Singh 

Many milestones are also millstones.
Mohan Singh 

True tigers don't eat tofu.
Mohan Singh 

It is noble to assist a stricken elephant in rising, but it is foolhardy to catch one that is falling down.
Mohan Singh 

A healthy person is one who has not been adequately researched.
Mohan Singh 

Will the insects prove to be our Control Group?
Mohan Singh 

When the missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said let us close our eyes and pray. When we opened our eyes we had the Bible and they had the land.
Bishop Desmond Tutu 

Mankind fears an evil man, but heaven does not.
Chinese Proverb 

Paradise is always where love dwells.
Richter (1763-1825) 

Better know nothing than half-know many things.
Nietzsche (1844-1900) 

If the Indians today are not fictitious, then know them
Rita Joe 

From the right to know and the duty to inquire flows the obligation to act.
Sandra Steingraber, author of Living Downstream: An Ecologist Looks at Cancer and the Environment 

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Andre Gide 

Do not fear death so much but rather the inadequate life.
Bertolt Brecht 

In 1977 there were 37 Elvis impersonators in the world. In 1993, there were 48,000. At this rate, by the year 2010 one out of every three people will be an Elvis impersonator.

Love is a fire - It burns everyone - It disfigures everyone It is the world's excuse for being ugly.
Leonard Cohen 

Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.
John Philpot Curran (1750-1817) 

It is necessary from the very nature of things that power should be a check to power.
Montesquieu (1689-1755) 

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Albert Einstein 

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Albert Einstein 

Teaching should be such that what is offered is perceived as a valuable gift and not as a hard duty.
Albert Einstein 

Success has a great tendency to conceal and throw a veil over the evil deeds of men.
Demosthenes (B.C. 384-322) 

Happiness is the light on the water. The water is cold and dark and deep. 
William Maxwell (1676-1744) 

Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper.
Bacon (1561-1626) 

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized! 

It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.
Upton Sinclair 

If pro is the opposite of con, is the congress the opposite of progress?
Russell Means, Oglala 

How smooth must be the language of the whites, when they can make right look like wrong, and wrong like right.
Black Hawk, Sauk 

Respect means listening until everyone has been heard and understood, only then is there a possibility of 'Balance and Harmony' the goal of Indian Spirituality.
Dave Chief, Grandfather of Red Dog 

Where no one intrudes, many can live in harmony.
Chief Dan George 

The white man says, there is freedom and justice for all. We have had 'freedom and justice', and that is why we have been almost exterminated. We shall not forget this.
From the 1927 Grand Council of American Indians 

Those who take the meat from the table, teach contentment. Those for whom the taxes are destined, demand sacrifice. Those who eat their fill, speak to the hungry of wonderful times to come. Those who lead the country into the abyss, call ruling difficult for ordinary folk.
Bertolt Brecht 

The utmost good faith shall always be observed towards Indians; their land and property shall never be taken from them without their consent.
Northwest Ordinance, 1787, Ratified by Congress 1789 

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.
Mary Bly 

To be humane, we must ever be ready to pronounce that wise, ingenious and modest statement 'I do not know'.
Galileo Galilei 

It is opposition that makes us productive.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 

What could an entirely rational being speak of with another entirely rational being?
Emmanuel Levinas 

It is not that they cannot see the solution. It is that they cannot see the problem.
G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936) 

Action is the last refuge of those who cannot dream.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) 

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.
Mae West (1892-1980) 

What is film after all but life with the dull bits cut out?
Alfred Hitchcock 

If we don't know where we are going, it can be helpful to know where we come from.
Jostein Gaarder 

There is one art of which man should be master, the art of reflection. 
Samuel Coleridge (1772-1834) 

If you can't give me flowers while I'm alive,
Then please don't throw them when I'm gone.
Terry Allen - Singer-Songwriter 

When I rise it will be with the ranks and not from the ranks.
Eugene V. Debs (1855-1926), Founder of the Socialist Party of America 

Teachers who offer you the ultimate answers do not possess the ultimate answers, for if they did, they would know that the ultimate answers cannot be given, they can only be received.
Tom Robbins 

With money a dragon
Without money a worm.
Chinese Proverb

It's not that easy being green.
Kermit The Frog

[Referring to a glass of water:] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!
Steven Wright

I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes ...
Steven Wright

Friendship is Love without his wings!
Byron (1788-1824)

I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking', but I don't have that much time.
Steven Wright

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright

The temple of our purest thoughts is silence.
Sarah J. Hale (1788-1879)

In the view of the fact that nature is dying, political developments are of secondary importance.
Wolfgang Hildesheimer - German writer

Everything in nature is a cause from which there flows some effect.
Spinoza (1632-1677)

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

Honesty without compassion and understanding, is not honesty, but subtle hostility.
Dr. Rose Franzblau

To know the road ahead, ask those coming back.
Chinese Proverb

I saw a sign: 'Rest Area 25 Miles'. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
Steven Wright

One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, 'Didn't you see the stop sign?' I said, 'Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.'
Steven Wright

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said, 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
Steven Wright

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
Steven Wright

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
Steven Wright

General observations drawn from particulars are the jewels of knowledge, comprehending great store in a little room.
John Locke (1632-1704)

Of all virtues and dignities of the mind, goodness is the greatest, being the character of the Deity; and without it, man is a busy, mischievous, wretched thing.
Bacon (1561-1626)

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Steven Wright

They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning ... (picks up his glass of water from the stool) ... I like to live on the edge.
Steven Wright

When spiders unite, they can tie down a lion.
Ethiopian proverb

I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
A 83 year old woman

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright

I'm not waiting for times to change
I want to live like a free-roaming soul
on the highway of our love.
Neil Young

If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things.
Rene Descartes (1596-1650)

Nature has perfections, in order to show that she is the image of God; and defects, to show that she is only his image.
Pascal (1623-1662)

After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
Steven Wright

We have forgotten who we are,
we have lost our sense of wonder and connectedness,
we have degraded the earth and our fellow creatures,
and we have nowhere else to go ...
Earth Charter

Democracy it seems is becoming just too inconvenient for Capital.

Be of an exceedingly humble spirit, for the end of man is the worm.
The Talmud (B.C. 500?-400? A.D.)

Strive to preserve your health; and in this you will better succeed in proportion as you keep clear of the physicians, for their drugs are a kind of alchemy concerning which there are no fewer books than there are medicines.
Leonardo Da Vinci (1452-1519)

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world ... perhaps you've seen it.
Steven Wright

In Germany, the Nazis first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I was not a Communist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Catholics, but I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant.
Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to speak up."
Protestant Pastor Martin Niemöller (1892-1984)

Never befriend the oppressed unless you are prepared to take on the oppressor.
Author unknown

My debts are large, my failures great, my shame secret and heavy; yet when I come to ask for my good, I quake in fear lest my prayer be granted.
Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941)

Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth. On the back it said, "Wish you were here."
Steven Wright

On September 26th, of the year one thousand two hundred and sixty-four, at dawn, the Duke of Auge climbed to the top of his castle's tower, to consider for a moment the historical situation. He found it rather obscure.
Raymond Queneau (1903-1976)

Anybody can win - unless there happens to be a second entry.
Ade's Law

Science is Truth. Don't be misled by fact.
Finagle's Creed

Reforms come from below. No man with four aces howls for a new deal.
Fundamental Tenet of Reform

Any philosophy that can be put 'in a nutshell' belongs there.
Harris's Law

A consultant is someone who, when hired to find out what time it is, borrows your watch to find out.
Rodriguez's Observation

Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.
Sayre's Third Law of Politics

There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.
Steven Wright

Anxiety is the space between the 'now' and the 'then'.
Richard Abell

When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place.
Jimmy Breslin

Our inequality materializes our upper class, vulgarizes our middle class, brutalizes our lower class.
Matthew Arnold (1822-1888)

If our civilization is destroyed, it will not be by barbarians from below. Our barbarians come from above.
Henry Demarest Lloyd (1847-1903)

To turn $100 into $110 is work. To turn $100 million into $110 million is inevitable.
Edgar Bronfman, Seagrams Co

Sometimes I think more creativity is put into muffin recipes than into the rest of society combined.
Jerry Seinfeld

We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Highly creative people don't necessarily excel in raw brainpower. They are misfits on some level. They tend to question accepted views and to consider contradictory ones.
Gregg Pascal Zachary

The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see.
Winston Churchill

Even when you're dead, you must never allow yourself just to lie down and be buried.
Gordon Lee - English Football Coach

Electric communication will never be a substitute for the face of someone who with their soul encourages another person to be brave and true.
Charles Dickens

If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.
Bette Reeves

For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care centre on the first floor.
Announcement at a conference

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Why are there Interstates in Hawaii?

Why is a bra singular and panties plural?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.
Ernest Hemingway

Having fun is about as good a habit as there is.
Jimmy Buffet, singer and songwriter

You say 'I am rich; acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realise that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.
Revelation 3:17 (God via John 95 AD)

When you're poor you're called good-for-nothing, when you're rich you're called president.
Conrado de Quiros, Philippine journalist

Electronic communication makes possible what has previously been excluded: namely, active, simultaneous and reciprocal contact between individuals across all frontiers constituted by countries, religions and continents.
Ulrich Beck

Madness is no madness when shared.
Zygmunt Bauman, philosopher

We have managed to make the celebration of diversity our mode of resistance.
Vandana Shiva, Alternate Nobel Prize winner

If Picasso walked into Disney looking for a job, they would throw him out on the street. Couldn't draw good enough.
T-Bone Burnett, rock musician

Every one is a moon and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
Mark Twain

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