6 February 2001:
The past three days I spent most of the time in bed sleeping. On Friday night, the pharmacist called and told us that the drug (Atropine Sulfate) he had given us was the proper one. So I took one Friday night, and another one on Saturday morning. Well, the effects were felt instantly: my circular system went ballistic. I became dizzy and sleepy and that was it. I quit the drugs, of course, but I haven't recovered from that "treatment" since.

Perhaps a few factors may have amalgamated here. For example, it's clear that the effects of radiotherapy add up after some time and my general condition to cope with these effects is deteriorating because of the therapy.

Anyway, I'm pretty exhausted and it looks as if this won't improve very soon.

9 February 2001:
On Wednesday, I passed the halfway mark of the planned therapy sessions. Today it was session 17 out of 30. The effects become more and more stable in the sense that I continue to feel sleepy.

In the past two or three days I also suffered from light nausea. Today, I asked "the doctor" to prescribe a drug and I received "Maxolon" (a drug containing metoclopramide hydrochloride anhydrous). It may help to let me feel a bit better.

Well, I believe if one can't eat properly, then after a while one feels lousy. In this regard, I'm not surprised at all. But I was also asking myself whether there was a chance to reduce nausea a bit. And that's what I'm doing now.

One of the major factors which makes me feel dizzy and even nauseous is - driving in the car. The constant vibrations of car caused by all kinds of bumpers on the roads send my esophagus into helter skelter trips. It takes a few hours to recover from the travels to the hospitals.

Finally, I received several mails asking concerned whether everything's ok with me as I hadn't added new records to the report. Thanks for your concerns, friends, but it looks as if I will be less reliable as expected. I have no idea where this therapy will lead me. I can only say that I will do my best to keep you updated, though this may not happen on a daily basis.

10 February 2001:
A beautiful sunny day in my little town. I enjoy the weather as much as I enjoy feeling good today. Just imagine how quickly my condition changes subjectively. Amazing.

I have much less difficulties to swallow today than during the past 4 or 5 weeks. I'm not saying I could go for a piece of steak, no way, but it feels good to chew on some pasta, swallow it and keep it in the stomach. Gives me the feeling that I'm participating in the regular modes of eating again ;-))

I also have the feeling that my attention span is much longer today than before. I am up and talking and writing for more than 2 hours before I get sleepy. Now, this happened once a day in the past week. Today, I'm up the second time and it feels good.

I have learnt not to expect too much from these changes. They may be the result of some random constellation. However, it's interesting that things can happen that way and I simply take them as they're crossing my path and enjoy the positive moments of my current life.

11 February 2001:
So, what happened yesterday after this rather positive experience? Well, some time later at early evening everything was back to "normal" again, i.e. whatever I wanted to swallow, I spit it out a few moments later. Only liquids went through.

I was surprised that the conditions had changed so quickly.

This morning, the conditions seemed to be relaxed, but I was more careful than yesterday and so I didn't start to test how far I could go. In the afternoon, things were still good. We'll see how long this situation will last.

I feel less sleepy today though I still need my rests after 2 hours of talking and writing and doing other more or less important things. But after some time I get up again and add another 2 hours which is quite remarkable to me as I was not able to do this during the past weeks.

Thanks again for your comments in The Healing Circle and for the mails you sent directly to me. Thanks for the little boxes that arrive here containing all kinds of healing helpers like honey and funny books and serious books and postcards and ... and ... and ...

May you always walk in peace, balance and beauty.