19-25 March 2001
Tenth week: Assessment of results of radio- and chemotherapy
19 March 2001:
This is unfamiliar territory, and I seem to react with more caution and perhaps anxiety than I had expected.
On the one hand it's good to know that body, mind and soul are alert and taking care of what may happen to them. On the other hand it's bloody inconvenient not to be able to fall asleep, isn't it?
20 March 2001:
For A$1.95 I bought "Songs of strength. Sixteen women talk about cancer." edited by the Women's Cancer Group, and published 1997 by Macmillan, Sydney, 402pp.
This is a very interesting book because its content is made up to probably 80% of quotes from interviews.
I found a lot of experiences the women had made with the disease administration and management system mirroring my experiences. I found so often the statement that cancer is individual in terms of its development and its treatment, which for me is so hard to believe. Well, perhaps that's because I'm more of a sociologist than a psychologist. I'm more of a person who believes that "the environment" has a greater influence on well-being than individual attempts to maintain health, like one can't maintain health in a sickening environment. But that's a different issue which I don't want to deal with now.
Why is it that we don't know why cancer treatments work well with one patient and less well with another? Why is it that some patients cope better with one type of treatment than others? Why is it that some patients produce positive results within a few weeks while others need months and months to improve their condition? And why is it that some patients don't react positively to treatment which helped others so well? Lots of question to which there are no clear-cut answers.
21 March 2001:
It remains to be seen whether this is correct. I will have a telephone conversation with the doc tomorrow afternoon. So, stay tuned because I will report the results instantly on this channel.
Well, perhaps we've all done a marvellous job together and pulled me through to the brighter side.
But, let's wait until tomorrow when we will know more ...
22 March 2001:
"There is dilation of the oesophagus to the level of the carina with thickening of the wall at this level extending for approximately 4cm distally. There is a normal appearing oesophagus from this point to the cardia.
This afternoon, the gastroeneterologist will report the results of the biopsies and his conclusions regarding the further treatment.
It's 4:45 pm, the gastroeneterologist tells me that there is no tumor in the esophagus. Everything's clean, the biopsies did not reveal any carcinogenic tissue.
Thanks to Rosmarie for all the hard work and keeping my spirit alive through all the tough hours of the last months. Thanks, folks, for your kind and generous support. The Healing Circle has been a marvellous experience.
23 March 2001:
That doesn't mean that I've lost my sharp and critical mind, or what's left of it. That won't go away as long as I live, I suppose. I don't believe that I will be able to shut up, when it's necessary to speak out.
I will prepare myself to return to the office after Easter. I will take care not to spend my precious energies and strengths on useless endeavors, and I will avoid stress as much as I can.
Copyright © by Eberhard Wenzel, 2000-2001