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It didn't hurt - it's only full of pain
January 2000

Well, dear friends,

it's over and it didn't hurt. Darn. The whole thing passed through town and I didn't realize that here it is: the 21st century.

Do you feel different? Like, the feet move differently? Or the heartbeat goes much faster? Or the teeth don't want to bite on that hamburger anymore?

No? Ooooo ...

Hm ... see, here I am, as sceptical and interested as ever. And that's why I offer you another column on rock music just when you need a little bit of aspirin or two ... or so ...

Anyway, I've come across a magnificent CD by a woman called Cindy Bullens and her CD is called "Somewhere between heaven and earth" (1999).

This is not the usual piece of music. It's not even the usual piece of CD you wanna buy when browsing the shop. This one goes terribly deep and it leaves scars on your soul.

Cindy Bullens lost her daughter of 11 years to cancer. That's horrific in itself. I have no idea how I would react to such an event. Twenty years ago my nephew died in a car accident, and this keeps me alert all the times when I drive a car.

What do you do, when you suffer from this unbelievable pain? What do you do, when you want to get your baby-girl back to where you live?

I would have hidden in some cave and wouldn't come out for years. Cindy Bullens has done just that for some time. And then she discovered the guitar again, started strumming, finding chords matching her emotions, strumming further and further and coming up with some lyrics which went through her mind.

She sat there in her home and re-worked the relation to her daughter in musical terms. You know what that means? Every chord, every melody, every piece of lyric - reminds you on your baby-girl. It attacks you as much as you embrace it. You're part of an interaction between different types of realities, and you don't know which part you belong to, as you realize you belong to all parts simultaneously.

To put one's emotions into music seems to be easy when it comes to "Ooo baby I love you". But when you use music to approach your inner-self, the outcome is much more demanding for the listener (and yourself as the producer) than anything else.

Cindy Bullens has come up with a remarkable piece of music documenting an even more remarkable piece of responsibility and self-determination in the best sense.

Thanks, Cindy - and all the best wishes to you from this desk.

Copyright © by Eberhard Wenzel, 1997-2001